I just thought of something really funny today. I'm very unhappy and uninspired. No wonder I can't get myself to study for my midterm exams. I don't feel anything special at all. I wouldn't ask myself anymore why all the things I am doing just feel so useless and meaningless. And what's worse is that God and the Universe already knows about how I feel. I have already told them. I have already asked them what I want. And yet days pass by with me still being a nobody. I want to become special to somebody. And at the same time I want somebody to be special to me. Is that too hard a thing to ask? Now I begin to feel like I have nothing. No matter how much things I have, how much gadgets I own, how beautiful the clothes I wear are, I don't seem to be contented. This proves that no material thing can ever make me feel complete. This is supposed to be a good thing, to actually realize that there are more important things than money. But in my case, it seems like I don't get blessed for knowing that. What else do they want? Do they want me to wish for material things instead? I don't understand. Do they want me to feel bad about myself and to suffer again? Do they really want me to think that there's just no point in doing the things I am doing right now? I'm tired. I'm really tired. I worked my ass off loving myself. It's about time somebody comes to help me love me. Somebody I will love just as much.

10/26/2008 10:18:00 PM